Expert fantasy football analysis. Minus the expert.
Category
Week 1
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09.14.09Monday Morning JerkWelcome, everyone, to the debut of Monday Morning Jerk, a look back at the NFL weekend that was. This hastily-conceived column will have a rotating set of features, none of which are ever guaranteed to appear more than once. In fact, even the column’s name is liable to change. Now that I've basically put a giant set of parentheses around everything, let's begin! Some opening remarks about the man they call "AD" Okay, I get that the stat line looks amazing (25 rushes, 180 yards, 3 TDs), and watching him casually dismiss those Browns defenders with little more than disdain was highly ...
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09.11.09The Michael J. Cox Lock of the Week, and a Few Thoughts on Tila TequilaWell, it’s that time of the year again, folks, and while my heart belongs to the guys playing on Saturdays, my wallet belongs to the ones playing on Sundays. I’ve fully rededicated myself to online poker this off-season and plan on doing the same with my NFL gambling this year. It’s all gambling all the time right now in the Michael J Cox household, and I honestly couldn’t be happier about it. I’m also glad to hear that Marble appreciated my small donation to him at the end of last season and hope that it was just enough to pay ...
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09.11.09The Marble Ryan Lock of the Week2008 was a tough year for everyone, with the exception of my ground-breaking fantasy championship. But despite my “on the field” accomplishments, I couldn’t help but be a little disappointed at the end of the football season, largely because I failed to provide the financial independence promised to the loyal readers of the Marble Ryan Lock of the Week. A late season run brought profits for the year, but by that point many of you people had probably fallen off the bandwagon. But 2009 is a new year, and it’s time to get back on the money train, paid for kindly ...
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09.10.09You Know Who You Should Sit?Big Ben Roethlisberger (QB – PIT) Growing up, The Slow Eater was given a few pearls of wisdom which he’s used to guide himself throughout his life. It’s a sign of respect to savor a fine meal for an uncomfortably long period of time and to force everyone else to wait while you spend hours mopping up the last of your crumbs. Anyone who thinks they have something to do that’s more important than eating clearly has their priorities messed up and isn’t someone you should associate with. Always go for the women with the attractive mothers. That one’s obvious. Never start a QB ...
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09.10.09You Know Who You Should Start?Mike Bell (RB – NO) There’s a lot of pressure going into Week 1. If, like me, you’ve won a championship in the past or have been talking a lot of trash during the preseason, you know the weight of high expectations. But maybe you’ve missed the playoffs for the past couple of years, and you’re faced with what might be your last chance for redemption. That’s the kind of pressure Mike Bell is facing this season, and I think he’ll be able to deliver. Yes, we first became familiar with Mr. Bell watching him spin helplessly through the revolving door ...
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09.09.09Everything Ravaged, Everything FavreLast Monday night, Rex Grossman Is Our Quarterback held its fourth annual league draft. For yours truly and The Mysterious Mr. Tzatziki, things went according to plan. MJD in Round 1, a QB in Round 2 (Aaron Rodgers), WRs in Rounds 3 and 4 (Steve Smith and T.J. Houshmandzadeh), and then our big sleeper, the guy we’re betting the farm on – Derrick Ward – in Round 5. We added some RB and WR depth in Rounds 6 and 7. We planned to take our QB2 in Round 8, but then found DonJulio LenDale White still on the board, so ...
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09.08.09The Magnificent SevenManaging seven fantasy football teams might seem excessive to some, but I try to play to my strengths. It’s not that difficult, really — how much time does it take to set a line-up and make a few transactions? The real pain is sitting through seven drafts. Since I have a preference for certain players, they tend to show up on many of my squads. So, with Week 1 of the NFL season ahead of us, here’s a look at the guys Mr. T's favoring going into this season. Four teams Josh Morgan (WR – SF) Thanks to Michael Crabtree’s display of intellectual ...
