Rex Grossman Is Our Quarterback

People enjoy Thanksgiving for many different reasons. Some like spending some QT with friends and family. Others feel good knowing the holiday season is right around the corner. I, however, welcome a day dedicated to two things – football and food. My day is spent in front of the TV, and in the forty-five minutes I’m not watching football, I’m stuffing my face with a full spread. In honor of the meal that I’m 48 hours away from devouring, I’ve taken a look at the food options to see how it affects fantasy football. Confused? Stick with me here…

Turkey – Matt Forte (RB – CHI)
This is an easy call for me as I already led the Matt Forte memorial service a few weeks ago. There are so many aspects of the situation to dislike. The play-calling in Chicago is hopeless. Jay Cutler’s arrival has turned the team’s gameplan from run-friendly to pass-first. It doesn’t help that Cutler is absolute dogshit. When Forte does get the ball, he seems to be running into a brick wall. Maybe last year’s 3.9 YPC was the indicator. With Baltimore and Minnesota awaiting the Bears in the fantasy playoffs, there’s no amount of gravy that can make Forte taste good.

Gravy – Ricky Williams (RB – MIA)
When you look at the top 25 players (using standard scoring) through 11 weeks, you’d never expect to find an afterthought like Williams, drafted as late as the last round in some fantasy leagues. The situation gets even better now that Ronnie Brown is injured. Some fantasy prognosticators are making Williams a top-three player going forward. I’m not ready to go that far, but I will say Williams is a top ten RB, and it’s possible he’ll be even better than that. Given where you paid for him initially, enjoy the upcoming schedule Williams has because what you’re getting from him at this point is straight gravy.

Stuffing – Aaron Rodgers (QB – GB)
In relation to what always stands as my favorite food item from Thanksgiving, we look to Rodgers for performing better than any other fantasy player this season. Despite the media attention on the sack parade in the Packers’ backfield, Rodgers has put up consistent numbers by scoring two or more TDs in every game since Week 2. Things shouldn’t change for him as he faces pass-friendly defenses for the rest of the fantasy season.

Brussels Sprouts – Tony Romo (QB – DAL)
I had a preseason crush on Romo, but he hasn’t put out despite my numerous dates with him during the season. Now that I’ve resorted to using some Jergens to get through my fantasy frustration, I’m ready to toss Romo away like he’s those extra sprouts you never wanted on your plate to begin with. A three-week run in the middle of the season covered up the stench of Romo’s start, but the Cowboys offense has taken a turn for the worse. Romo’s a match-up play at this point and no opponent other than the Giants looks remotely tasty in his next five games.

Sweet Potatoes – Sidney Rice (WR – MIN)
The dish that’s widely enjoyed around the Thanksgiving table symbolizes another unhealthy carb in our man Rice. Rice has exploded onto the fantasy scene, finally fulfilling all the promise he showed in his college days at South Carolina. With Berrian nursing a hamstring injury all year, Rice has become Favre’s favorite deep threat, and the schedule going forward looks rather fine. Before you start licking the dish clean, however, realize that the Vikings may slow things down around fantasy playoff time. If NFL playoff seeding is already decided, Tarvaris might be in the kitchen, and his cooking is nothing you want to sample with a side order of Rice.

Cranberry Sauce – Anquan Boldin (WR – AZ)
I’ve never taken to cranberry sauce, preferring either gravy or apple sauce with my turkey. I usually never get as far as putting it on my plate. That’s how I felt about Boldin before fantasy drafts, unwilling to put him on any of my rosters with his injury history. He lived up to my expectations, limping his way through most of the season while missing Week 9 as well. Since the trade deadline has already passed, I won’t be adding cranberry sauce to my dinner plate. Having said that, he’s finally come to the table in the last two weeks and his remaining schedule makes your mouth water. To those who invested in Boldin, here’s hoping he gives your fantasy turkey a little taste if you’ve put up with him for this long.