Rex Grossman Is Our Quarterback

Monday marked the draft of the fifth annual Rex Grossman Is Our Quarterback fantasy league in the back room of Ten’s Gentleman’s Club in New York City. Beers, wings, and the occasional lap dance were had and upon exiting the rising sun indicated we had spent too much time and money on our draft experience. The league members are always looking for my opinion of their teams, so here’s a look at how I saw each team’s draft along with their championship odds.

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Love: Matt Stafford (QB – DET)
Stafford may actually belong more in the sleeper column, but I’ve talked him up enough this offseason that I’m probably going to have to draft him much earlier than he’s listed on most boards.

In the NFL draft, about 70% of the time, a QB is taken with the #1 overall pick. More often than not, the selection is prompted by the relative importance of the position than the actual player himself. And almost always, the QB going #1 (and getting an ever-increasing guaranteed contract) has some issues that the drafting team is going to need to either fix or work around. Alex Smith had less than ideal arm strength, Sam Bradford never played under center, Eli Manning was mentally weak from growing up in a family where he was the outcast, Jamarcus Russell was Jamarcus Russell – you get the idea.

Stafford’s weakness? Playing in a pro-style offense at UGA (way too pro-style – they never win anything), Matt Stafford didn’t put up the Japanese manga-level exaggerated numbers we’re used to seeing from top college QBs, but his situation in Detroit is actually much more fantasy-friendly than any hand he was dealt while in Athens.

Yes, Stafford is a bit of a clown, often photographed poolside or fratside with the ladies engaged in various stages of reach-around (sometimes he’s playing it conservative on the small of the back, sometimes he’s all in with a fist full of under-boob). But by all accounts he is a smart kid, and we don’t need to talk about what is going on with that arm. He has top-4 talent, and with the weapons he has around him and the likelihood of a lot of 45-35 games, I think he has a chance to be a top-20 fantasy scorer in 2010.

Now, because all the idiots in my league are copycats, I’ll have to take Stafford in Round 6. But rest assured, I’ll be putting my money where my mouth is.

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Love: Dwayne Bowe (WR – KC)
I want to start this piece by getting one thing out of the way: Todd Haley is a moron.  Even Antoine Dodson thinks he’s really dumb. For real. What he’s doing to Jamaal Charles this preseason is ruthless and totally uncalled for: all Charles did was run for an average of 164 yards and a TD in his last four games, and now Haley is playing depth chart mind games with him right now. That is not the right answer.

But there are positive things going on in Kansas City other than the barbecue. Last year, Dwayne Bowe found himself in the same spot as Charles and it ruined his season. This season, however, Bowe has decided to take it upon himself to really shove it in Haley’s face. He showed up to training camp in the best shape of his career and that’s not because of last year’s motivational tactics. Bowe is smart enough to realize that Charlie Weis is now the offensive coordinator, and that there’s nothing Fat Charlie likes to do more than throw around the ol’ pigskin around. Matt “Don’t call me Sam” Cassel has a year of Todd Haley’s offense under his belt, the O-line is in better shape, and there will be a running game – regardless of who gets the starting gig.

All of these factors are pushing Bowe towards a career year. Now we just have to cross our fingers that he doesn’t have his grandma send him more of that “cramp medicine” that got him suspended for four games last year.
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Torry Hallelujah and Marble Ryan wrap up their draft preview with a look at RBs and TEs. Marble Ryan discusses his skepticism around this year’s crop of rookie rushers and also reveals his ability to multitask while recording the podcast.

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Torry Hallelujah and Marble Ryan return for another season of the RexQB podcast. In the first part of their draft preview, recorded in a 300-year-old house on the coast of Rhode Island, the boys take a look at the QBs and WRs who will determine the fates of fantasy teams across the nation.

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Everyone who plays fantasy football thinks they know what they’re doing, but the honest truth is that more often than not, they have no idea. Every year plenty of people talk a big game, yet it’s the same handful of us who produce results. Before last season, our friend Marble Ryan claimed to know anything and everything about fantasy football, yet found himself in dead last in our RexQB league standings come December. I laugh at clowns like him, people more qualified to talk about the fat content of a Wendy’s Junior Bacon Cheeseburger than sleeper RBs.

Why listen to me? What makes me better than everyone else? People constantly come to me with questions because they know I’m the best resource for information out there. Those that once scoffed at the notion of my fantasy dominance have since slithered out of the dark alleys to pepper me with roster questions. To this day, people still talk about the time when I drafted out of the passenger seat of a car on I-95 while eating two Big Macs — blind, with no printed rankings. And yes, I walked away with the title that year.

So, without further ado, I present the following things you need to be aware of as you prepare for your fantasy draft. And above all else, remember the Golden Rule: the man with all the gold…rules.

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Mr. T has decided to get me back from making him write both Start ‘Em and Sit ‘Em columns last week by making me do the same for Week 16. Luckily, thanks to my team’s pathetic performance in the opening round of the playoffs last week, I now find myself with a lot more free time on my hands. Those of you lucky enough to not have been relying on Tom Brady and DeAngelo Williams last week and are now fighting for the championship, here’s for you.

You know who you should start?

Alex Smith (QB – SF)
He had a terrible game last week, but he was decent before then, and nothing brings out the fantasy points in a quarterback than getting to go against the Lions.

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The time has come. Week 16 is upon us and if you’re still reading our website, it means you’ve either got a secret crush on Torry Hallelujah or you’re about to play for a fantasy championship. Waivers are as important as ever this week as you look to put forth your best lineup. While you have the advantage of facing less competition for the best players in the pool, the fantasy Gods have given us only a few scraps to mess around with. We rarely offer waiver advice on this site because we’re so worried about revealing information to other owners, but we’re throwing you a bone with only one remaining.

Jerome Harrison (RB – CLE) – Owned in 10.3% of ESPN leagues
What the fuck happened here? Yeah that’s right, Harrison’s name now sits third on the list of most rushing yards in a single game. I bet you never expected that in the preseason or as late as five weeks ago when he was third string. Marble Ryan was right all along. It’s a shame he couldn’t account for Mangini’s incompetence of starting an inferior back in Jamal Leiws all season. Harrison should be picked up and started as a low end RB2 or flex with the Raiders on his schedule this week.

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With Torry Hallelujah headed to the championship game and Marble Ryan stuck in last place, the boys talk about a “bizarre” Week 15 and take a run through Matthew Berry’s list of the top 25 players heading into next season.

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Week 15 presents another tough-looking slate of games, and the only conclusion I can come to is that after a slow start, Vegas has gotten really good at this. Either that or I’ve just lost my mojo after another 1-1 performance last week.

With nothing jumping out at me this week, I’ve turned to desperate measures. Having had success earlier in the year picking a game I wasn’t really all that passionate about, tirelessly dissecting every aspect of it until I reached a conclusion, I’ve decided to try out a similar methodology for Week 15. This time, I turned to an online random number generator, picking 1 through 16 with the games numbered based on the order Mr. T sent me the spreads, to come up with my target. The random generator seemed appropriate, since so much in football, and in the universe in general, comes down to the Great Unknown. How did I finish last in the RexQB standings but 3^rd in points? A handful of random events into which I had no insight and over which I had no control. Why are you bald? Do you think it’s because your mother’s father was bald? You’re wrong. Genetics are completely random. Your maternal grandfather could have a Garciaparra-esque mane that makes onlookers gasp, while you traipse about this world blinding your friends with sunlight reflections off your shiny white Duomo. This game I’m about to bet on will no doubt come down to a series of random events, each of which taken on its own is no more significant than a fly’s fart, but combined will determine the flow of millions of dollars. Anyway, the random number generator came up 2, which corresponds to Saturday’s affair between the Saints and the Cowboys. Let’s try to figure out which way the fly’s farts will blow.

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